Windows To My Soul

I am confused, Looking for clarification that I cannot seem to find inside or outside of myself, living with insecurities and a string of wrong decisions in my past that have hurt me deeply and caused me to be wary and apprehensive to what the future brings, although  I would hope I have analyzed them enough to have learn from them so my person history does not repeat itself,   when certain wrong decisions are exposed by our choice of a partner that have caused negativity and pain, how can we be sure we will not make these mistakes again, do we simply stop trying ? give up? Choose to not take a risk in fear that we may get hurt again? Will this person who hurt you always have power over you while you remain a shell and simply exist for the remainder of our days,

I know we are truly living when we can feel our heart almost beat out our chest , when we take the risks that cause an adrenalin that if it is pure , can be so powerful . the excitement in the prospect and possibilities of a power change that can bring you to a new level of existence and growth . and so much more, do we simply give up on that to be safe and simple exist out our days because we are worn out and tired of getting hurt  and falling flat on our faces , or are even too tired to just get up, brush ourselves off and try again,. ???

I choose to live in the love of all, and love of all is within me.  As I am growing I find that I am connecting with people on all different levels, sometimes these levels can be taken out of context and mixed up to the point I can view the connection from many different levels / dimensions.

I also know that people can say all the right words to gain their position and the more intelligent you or I present ourselves , the more intelligent is the one trying to gain their position in your life , be it friends, like mind, or your perspective counterpart. The closer people get the more they connect but is it that there is only one that is to sit on the throne of your universe next to you as your counterpart .  In some traditions it is needed for more than one to fulfill the expressions of your energies,

Have you ever met someone that full fills you in so many ways and you love and value them in the most highest vibrations , yet you seek the vibrations that you recgonise are missing in another that mean no disrespect to the first special someone?

Have you every loved and shared energies with more than 1 person at the same time?

Have you ever been made to feel so guilty for doing something that is so wrong in the perception of another?

Have you ever felt like you have had to lie to avoid hurting someone?

Do you really think that there is one person out there that can fulfil you to a point you do not need another energy like that in your life?  Absolute counterpart?.

Is the absolute counterpart a myth??

Can we get the recognitions of energies/ people who come into our life mixed up between a personal, spiritual or professional capacity to a point we have made wrong decisions? .

My guess is anyone that is true to their selves would answer yes to at least 3 if not all of the above questions.

People come into our lives for a reason a season or a lifetime, its all about the impact they make during that time that can have a positive or negative effect, that will inevitably have a knock on effect that can effect decisions made in the future,  which brings be back to the point of where we are at now.

What do we do NOW!

I know when we are sometimes confused as to what way to go , which way to turn , we become insecure with the level of feeling that we feel for each and every one we meet , thinking have they come to build? or drain? , have they come to link you to gain their position in your network or have they come in all honesty to love the true energies in you,  to accept you for simply being in the energies of you.?

how long will they stay in our life? and what will the impact of their presence? what will the exit be like? should we even let them enter our world ?? should we even look at this vibration in this way?

what ever we tell ourselves we will be correct as we are the ones who manifest our thoughts into reality ( NTP2010)

The ultimate decisions and perceptions all lead back to self, where we need to have a reality check, sometimes we can get so caught up with the flow we can easily get carried away and before we know it we stop to recognize ourself to a point when we do realize we have to jump out the flow and connect back with self and what we want, instead of trying to please everyone, we have to please ourself sometimes.

Remaining true to ourself  reminds us we have the capacity to be true to others.

It is not selfish to think of self and meditate with self because when we do this we are connecting with the higher self in turn this will give more direction when radiating our energies to the world.

I know I need to meditate, as demons have been trying to play with me , called insecurity and jealousy, all because there are a lot of negative vibrations and evilous vibes that have attacked me ad my family of recent. On a survival story I seek to conquer and overcome. Keeping myself and my family intact, trying to bring them through this spiritual storm unharmed and safe.

There has been casualties, everyday the memory of not keeping my eyes everywhere enough to truly see, trying to keep my eye on everything also being  sometimes  so wrapped up in the dwelling of depression and the frustrating wants and real needs that has also been plaguing my mind to a point I get mad sometime with the position I / we are in at this moment.  I can sometimes become blind to what is going on around me, and I can be my own worst critic, and constantly beat myself up for those mistakes that caused my blindness,  We cannot take back or rewind time to change what has already been done, so the pain will forever linger in the devastation and the realization of that truth that not even time can heal..

I am a wounded soldier of love, so much show I have created a barrier around me and my family.  Personally I have locked myself off to certain vibrations that could not only heal me, but can bring me back to life with energies and directions, purpose and fulfillment that is not only going to create a positive effect on me, but standing on a square to create a circle around me of the most purest positive vibrations that will create a ripple in my circle that can only be positive and grow if received in the same purity of when it was radiated .

How can I be sure ? How can I trust? How can I have faith ? How can I believe?

That I have found those pure energies..

I am afraid, as I am getting older my future has no time to make bad decisions, through my needs and frustrating wants that can put me and my family at risk of some potentially harmful situations just because I chose to trust, have faith and believe in the energies that is presented to me that they are the truth, have come to grow and heal not cause hurt and pain for their own ego and gratification.

Those vampirish energies can leave you and your family for dead with no remorse, conscience or consideration for the mess they left behind.

As I step so cautiously into my future I feel like I am going a bit crazy.  I have previously, my whole life poured all my energies into creation and unity that demonic people have just drained for their own gain, leaving me and my family , feeling used, abused and lifeless .

How do we bounce back from that?, without the insecurities that these vampires will not try to attack you again, how do I know I am not looking at a vampire in their beautiful face and in perfect presentation ? just like in the matrix anyone can be a mr smith , anyone can be a vampire or an inequity worker I want so much to love, to build, to pour my energies into a spiritual union , to receive love, and receive all the energies put into me only to build and grow more, to give back,

I will not take a run.. I will not run from this vibration. I will have no need to run away. .

Sometimes we are in the need of love to a point that we overlook the imperfections, I guess this is where the expression comes from love is blind, seeing someone through rose coloured glasses, choosing to see the positivity and then ignoring the negativity to a point that we get surprised when suddenly the immediate need for love is not so strong as the cup has been filled, “The honeymoon period” is over, our sight becomes clearer and we start to see the long term,  although this long term can still be beautiful , the bad habits, negativity, irritations that has always been there  but from the beginning we simply chose not to include these vibez when we chose to love.  Where people start taking people for granted and assumption is the mother of all mess ups. Making an ass-u-me ( out of)

Its only when enough is enough and that union has separated, when the need for love arises again, you/we realize what you/we had in the first place.

Circles ad cycles that seems to lead us back to square 1 where yet again we try to build another circle.. is this circle vicious? or is it that we have just not learned our lessons yet??

No one is perfect, only the perfect people make mistakes and learn from them. < a thought?

We have to learn to accept the good and the bad and instead of falling in love,  learn to grow with it,. Accept all, good and bad as this IS the spectrum of love.. life and living..

It takes a lot of trust, and faith , a belief in yourself that you are able to receive these energies without fear.

The future has not been written yet? We sometimes are scared of change or a difference..

But if we stay the same , our story is repeated, the only forward movement and the escape of repetitive behaviour is to create change and go for it ..  only true way to find the difference in what you know is to go into the unknown …

So there is no writings in stone when we are talking about the future, there is no proof until it has been created, better still if you create such an energy that leaves its mark in history then your presence is immortal,  There are no guarantees when we go into the unknown, to try something new, to push the boundaries of your heart, mind, body and soul,  to then transfer that to a reality is a leap of faith, trust and belief that you are doing the right thing with the purest of energies..

A risk !! A big risk that you hope when you take that leap you will not fall flat on your face that could hurt you more than ever or even be fatal.

Sometimes this causes a conflict with the way we have been conditioned and to the view of today’s society that when you start simply being in the energies of self , other people in their ignorance will look down upon you, will try to force their opinions to say something is not right according to their perception.  When in fact there is no right or wrong way to perceive different situations, like mind some will agree and some will not.

That is the reality, different vibrations that are all equal and needed for each degree of the whole spectrum, we just have to accept each degree and respect that each view has a right to be there, we sort of measure ourselves by other peoples perceptions,  some energies impose their views and ideas more forceful than others and when it seems like the majority is flowing in one direction, or we have been weakened and beat up, beat down by life on our survival story,  we can sometimes be swept away in others energy’s and perceptions , following everyone else without even realizing it, again loosing self in the process.,

We are the ruler and creator of our own destiny. Only we can create our successes and make our own mistakes. When we come to earth we came alone, when we are returned we return alone , what we do with that space in the middle is either our ascension or our demise ..  all is choices and listening to our own conscience to say I something is right or wrong, and being disciplined enough to have self control, only then we can build on our self respect that for me brings a sense of purity to be able to walk the path of truth .

In these vibrations there is also a guilt feeling that is imposed on all of us when we choose to live in the vibration of self. When we are discovering self , we have to push the boundaries to discover if that is a vibration we want to keep or rebuke, Those people do not understand or do not have enough information to be able to understand.

This can cause hurt and pain to others that do not perceive the way you do. Therefore if pushing these boundaries can have an effect on your immediate circle , from when you are stood on your square , communication and truth at all times is the key to trying to protect the feelings of those around you,  we should not limit our growth for fear of hurting those because those in your circle should be on a level enough to know you are growing.  “The only thing constant is change” ( Albert Einstein)  change is when you know you are alive..  only dead things stop growing, we all need  to respect the fact that everyone in your circle is growing also, especially your significant other, your children, your family and your friends..

We are unconditional when we have children as we expect them to grow, allowing them to make their mistakes, As parents our job is guiding them through with love and guidance that better suits them,  though so often there are people, mothers , fathers , brother, sisters , immediate family , friends and counterparts that give advice that better suits them , putting their own feelings into consideration first, because giving advice that suits our children, or seeker means that their life may grow and benefit more without you in it as much as you are in their lives at the moment,

( A couple of things that was said to me a not to long ago that hurt me very deeply when I asked for someone’s help . these people are my nearest and dearest..  I asked for help to do something that meant so much to me , the reply is “ sorry that is your dream, not mine!”

Another one was I asked for support to do something that meant a great deal to me, the reply was “ under no circumstances will I help you,. Because you might just get somewhere with this and it will mean you will not be there for me !” wow !! was my reaction, this was a point when I was on my knee’s .. but it was also a big wake up call. This help and support I was asking for had the capacity to help a lot of people .. to create change is so many lives . including the people I was asking for support from , including mine and my families .. finally I realized the help and support was at the end of my own arm.  Yet I contemplate and my heart aches with this reality..

We have to truly love enough to let our loved ones go into the world of their own experiences, open hands , open heart,  just like a bird to let them fly, being the wind beneath their wings , of they come back that is because they want to , its so much more fulfilling than wrong guidance and manipulation to stop them from flying in the first place. If they fall crash and are hurt, it is our mission of love in purity to collect them and help them to stand ready to fly again..  we should hope that one day they will make it to their destination ,. We should also feel proud that our love was the wind beneath their wings, we can fly so high upon the wings of love..

Should this level of unconditional love be extended to everyone we meet, ??

Or in thinking this do I expose and leave myself wide open to be taken advantage of or taken for a fool?

The person that takes someone for a fool will end up looking a bigger fool themselves because the fool becomes wise in the actions of others..

Adults are grown children with responsibilities and pressures, with goals and ambitions,

Children think we are supposed to be perfect without flaws, but the truth is we never stop learning, or growing and we can never truly know all there is to know in1 lifetime with limited memories we are steered aware from, encouraged to forget in this world today. I am not going to get political here at this time.

This is where we should seek a higher vibration to try to stand in a point to view all in a way that you would like to be viewed, this can only work in all honesty and often this building can fail due to the inequity workers , heathens and vampires that are in the mix of our circle’s that have not exposed their selves yet. The higher vibration means to rise ourselves up to a point we can see further into the distance , sort of like seeing into the future.

If we are on a mountain that can see as far as 2 days walk ahead of us, and we see a serious storm coming , those in the forest would not know of these dangers until the very second this storm is upon them,  for those on that mountain can tell the future by their elevations and can warn those in the forest of what is coming towards them giving it 2 days notice in preparation to reach for safety, and insight or intuition of those in the forest would know instinctively truth, by looking at other elements around you, and receiving the feeling you get from that for guidance in your next few choices,

I mean this is not without risk for the person on the mountain to manipulate and cause false alarms for their own reasons and gains, sometimes the only way to know for sure is to go and look for yourself , to raise yourself so you have the ability to see how they see this future.

Anyway .

I always say time is the master and the key and people can only pretend for so long, it take s more energy and is more draining to pretend than to be true to yourself , you also have to have a good memory that gets tired and lazy with time.  Especially when we have to deal with the conflict , or a realization that we have not been true to ourselves or others , the fear of being exposed can make one become armed, on guard and dangerous, so much so we are seeing the effects of these lies and untruth in the world today on all levels,

The key upon the awakening is always strive to be self and not fear other peoples opinions when you try to radiate yourself to the full potential .

A wise man showed me , it is better to be hurt by your honesty than to be pleased by your lies, a liar is a thief that steals your time in accordance to their growth in the moment that will always be short lived as it is not in truth, whereas the truth is accepted for all value , consideration the bravery , the courage and the knowledge that we all make mistakes in our nature to push the boundaries and live in the moment where we all grow from ,

The most high knows I have pushed a few boundaries myself and had to confront them, that can be seen in the perception of another an act of stupidity, or sacrifice for the fear of someone not accepting your mistakes during your growth , some would choose to lie in the name of protecting another’s feelings , where in reality you become a thief of their time and energies from that moment onwards when we chose to hide the truth. ..

It is not telling lies if you have gone down a certain road that may effect another and realized the potential mistake before the mistake is made , where realization has become clear and the mistake avoided therefore energies is not needed to bring to the light as the mistake did not manifest. Therefore the effect from the mistake that could have caused harm to another is not happen.. just be thankful the real-eyes-action and your self discipline saved you and your self respect before any harm done..

What ever the case you/we call crossing the line, these are all set for ourself, by our own perceptions , never on the perceptions of others or they become the controlling factors of our lives that will be the beginning of loosing self…

We should not be made to feel guilty for our mistakes during our growth , especially when we have had the courage to confront, tell the truth , to live in the reality it takes the growth to the next level , as far as I am concerned I choose to start as I mean to go on though it is my choice to change my mind.  I have learned from my past, ( indeed still learning from it as I learn to forgive, I cannot forget)  and will continue to learn with my future in all honesty for  pleasure and pain I can only be true to people and myself, and communicate throughout so we always know where we stand, All I ask is for that vibration to be given back to me ,

I do give to receive,  simple!  not anything monetarily, every action has a reaction and I treat people how I want to be treated. I want people to treat me how they want to be treated, if they are treating me how I would not want to treated then I will separate from that energy. With no energies put into that motion..

We have to be really aware and careful how we are treating people. Also be aware that there are messed up people out there , that take advantage any way they can, just because they can and do not have the same energies or respect for those energies as you have.

When I feel I am being treated in a certain way , I have to take a reality check of my own actions to think, what caused this?  am I insecure because I have it in my heart to project these energies onto someone else?

To recognize energies is to create change according to how you want perceive the outcome, be true to yourself first. Live in reality and check yourself if you find you are the reason why you are attracting these energies you are vibration, realize if you do not like how it feels, therefore do not continue to radiate this energy, sooner or later things will balance out to bring an outcome of radiating energies you in joy receiving.

Acceptance is again knowing we are not all perfect , and will make mistakes, the perfection comes in realizing mistakes and correcting the balance. BeinG honest to self and others in all we project.  The Most High vibration within ourselves can recognize this and correct the balance and restore truth before our energies spin out of control.  It takes a lot of inner strength and self discipline to change and Be(-in-G) the those changes we want to see in the world.

Is it right to build with more than one person and who sets the boundaries to say that we have crossed the boundaries.?

Is it practical or even safe to build with more than one energy especially within a personal interaction and intimacy when balancing our spiritual vibrations to today’s society?

What about the spiritual , absolute connection with the divinity in one, could that be broken if another spirit energy interferes? Or is it is possible to have that connection with more than one person??  Is it then considered as Absolute?, absolute to me means “All of” or “Entire” ., how can it be absolute if it is shared ????..

In this world where it is condemned in today’s perception where the net creates rules and regulations for follow so the system can keep track and under control these energies. Conditioned in ignorance to say multiple energies are not right and accepted?

Yet the world lives by double standards and contradictions to all the rulings that have been imposed on us?

Its not wonder I am confused? Unsure? Lost?  And more !!! How do we expect to teach the children right from wrong when faced with such double standards and a do as I say not as I do vibration? Where are the examples if we are to follow?

I think maybe we have to be the example if we can’t see the same energies that suit our soul.. who knows? Just a thought!!

Is it right or fair for a man to be able to build with multiple energies yet it is not “proper” for a woman to build in the same way?

If honesty is presented in the first place and all the way through these sharing of energies where you have given another the opportunity to choose whether they want to accept the mixture of energies, yet we are growing and changing, what was agree’d upon and accepted in the first place throughout the years we change and seek more ,something different maybe, is it fair on the person to expect them to adapt to the changes you are going through when the have alack of understanding of what it happening, yet they have shown you love and dedication throughout their time interacting with you?

If that was the case would you do to keep the building going with all these multiple people and how would you encourage and motivate the multiple people to say with you or your world to continue to build?

What if the different energies and different levels with each person that the other are not able to fulfill,  Where different energies interacts with you on a professional, intimate, soul, friendship, relaxing, parental, home, marital, level, multiple people can interact on multiple levels?

Questions, so many questions …  the answers are in self somewhere..  still searching my soul..

Thank you if you joined me for a moment with my thoughts and energies..

Htp, Namaste, peace and 1 love..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLltt5cPDOc&feature=player_embedded < beautiful 🙂